May 19th, 2015 by drcoplan
Dr. Coplan reflects on his own upbringing in an enmeshed and abusive household, and the parallels to Adam Lanza’s childhood.
“I’m only trying to help you, James!” – This was my father’s angry declaration of good intention, no matter how destructive his behavior. Often preceded in a softer tone by “What do you want, James?,” the hint of menace in his voice belying the plain meaning of the words. And, when I was much younger (I can still picture how my bedroom ceiling looked from my upside down vantage point spread across his knees waiting for the strap): “James, this hurts me more than it hurts you!”
I can see now, with the benefit of hindsight, that my father was a deeply troubled and emotionally needy person. His response to emotional tension was to beat the other person into submission – either verbally, or (when I was still small), physically. His declared intention to “help” me was actually for the purpose of deflecting conversation away from his own issues, and asking me what I wanted was for the purpose of baiting me into fruitless argument. (It would have been so nice if he had said, just once, “You have a point there, son. Sometimes I feel the same way myself.” But that was beyond his ability.) Read the rest of this entry »
March 3rd, 2015 by drcoplan
James Coplan, MD, continues his review of the OCA report on the shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School, and introduces the concept of enmeshment.
Improbable as it may seem, the film E.T. holds a clue that is central to understanding of Adam Lanza’s behavior, which culminated in the triple tragedy of matricide, mass murder, and suicide. In the movie, E.T. is befriended by, and bonds with, Elliott, a 10 year old boy. Initially, E.T. mirrors Elliott’s behavior: Elliott screams when he first spots E.T.; E.T. screams back (thinking, perhaps, that this is how earthlings communicate). Elliott rubs his nose; E.T. mirrors that behavior as well. Soon, however, the situation is reversed, and it is Elliott who starts mirroring E.T.; whatever E.T. feels, Elliott feels as well. The bond is so strong that Elliott doesn’t even need to be in E.T.’s presence. Rather, E.T.’s influence over Elliott is transmitted telepathically. In one of the early scenes, E.T. gets drunk on a can of beer. Elliott, miles away at school, simultaneously becomes intoxicated. Back at home, E.T. switches on the TV and becomes mesmerized by a romantic movie. E.T.’s emotional reaction is channeled to Elliott, who impetuously kisses a female classmate. As the movie progresses, the relationship deepens, to the point where Elliott is not simply sharing E.T’s emotional reactions; rather, he has become a physical extension of E.T. E.T.’s health begins to fail, due to his encounters with Earth’s environment. Although earth is Elliott’s home, Elliott’s health likewise begins to fail. Worried by E.T.’s sickly appearance, Elliott’s brother Michael observes: “You know Elliott, he doesn’t look too good anymore,” to which Elliott replies: “Don’t say that. We’re fine.” Alarmed, Michael shoots back: “What’s all this ‘we’ stuff? You say ‘we’ all the time now!” Read the rest of this entry »
